In an effort to preserve as many of my old columns as I can, I will be occasionally posting them here to give them new life. These are columns largely from my time on the old LOP Columns Forum. They only exist online on my old archive site which is only accessible via the Wayback Machine. These columns were written between June 2004 and July 2010. In 2010, I joined the main page of Lords of Pain/Wrestling Headlines as a columnist. I believe all of my main page columns to be lost to time.

The second column to be pulled from the Archives is another post-AVFR column that was part of the inaugural LOP NXT contest down in the old LOP Forums. This one was originally posted on July 28, 2010. Just like the prior A Reading From the Book of Borden, this one isn’t a standard wrestling column. It is a “What If” column that was written in the kayfabe style of an old WWF Magazine article (the old wrestling mags are what got me interested in writing in the first place). This one tells the story of Vader coming into WWF over three years earlier than he actually did (1993 instead of 1996) and ending Hulkamania.

I present it now in its original form.

WWF Magazine – February 1994
Is Vader’s Time Finally Up, Or Is He The True Immortal Of The WWF?
by Gary Smith

It has been ten months, yet the closing moments of WrestleMania IX are still fresh in the minds of World Wrestling Federation fans. For the live audience of 16,891 in attendance that night at Caesars Palace, and for the millions watching around the world on pay-per-view, it was a scene of total shock and awe.

“My God almighty, we have just witnessed the death of Hulkamania at the hands of that man Vader!”

Three months prior at the Royal Rumble, following an extended absence, Hulk Hogan made his return to the WWF to wrestle his friend Bret Hart for the World Wrestling Federation Championship. The immortal one survived the champion’s Sharpshooter and finished the Hitman off with a devastating leg drop. Afterwards, the two men shook hands and Hulk Hogan celebrated his title win, much to the delight of Hulkamaniacs around the world. The undisputed king of the WWF was back and in a big way.

Then came the Royal Rumble match and the surprise entrant that stunned the wrestling world.

When the buzzer sounded and Bobby Heenan walked out from behind the curtain there was a sense of confusion amongst the WWF fans and announcers. Had “the Brain” entered the Royal Rumble match? Much to the dismay of the fans in attendance, and soon the entire Federation, Bobby Heenan had other plans. When Heenan pointed back to the curtain, everyone knew someone, or something, big was about to come out. No one would have ever expected the man that emerged next.

The man known as Big Van Vader had captured another promotion’s heavyweight championship less than a month earlier. Yet there he was walking down a WWF aisle as the final combatant to enter the Royal Rumble match.

Wrestling fans were shocked. Some already knew Vader and what he was capable of. Others who weren’t familiar with the Rocky Mountain Mastodon were amazed at the size, and soon the agility, of the mammoth. Vader wasted no time getting to work inside a WWF ring and quickly ousted Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, Razor Ramon, The Undertaker, Tatanka and Randy Savage.

And then the face off happened between the massive Yokozuna and the beastly Vader. WWF fans were left stunned as Vader sent a dazed Yokozuna toppling over the top rope with a single clothesline. The debuting Vader was going to WrestleMania to challenge Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship.

And this brings us back to that night ten months ago, and more specifically the scene of carnage that still haunts young Federation fans to this day.

The crowd at Ceasars Palace erupted when Hulk Hogan hit the big boot and dropped the leg across the neck of Vader. They knew the pinfall came next and began the celebration; Hulk Hogan had once again vanquished one of Bobby Heenan’s henchmen who promised to end Hulkamania forever.

One, and the audience began to cheer.

Two, and the fans began to cheer even louder.

Three, and the crowd erupted.

NO! Senior referee Earl Hebner’s hand never touched the mat. Vader had kicked out. The unbelievable had just occurred; Vader kicked out at two and was getting to his feet.

Following an initial gasp of disbelief, an eerie silence fell over Las Vegas. No one watching could have predicted what happened next, and who could blame them? If history had taught us anything, it’s that good always triumphs at WrestleMania, and usually with Hogan steering at its helm. ALWAYS! This, after all, was Hulk Hogan’s event. It’s the event Hogan made famous, and the event where he always thwarted Bobby Heenan’s attempts at killing Hulkamania.

“Finally, finally… I’ve ended Hulkamania once and for all. It’s Vader’s time to run wild on the World Wrestling Federation! Whatcha gonna do now Hulkamaniacs?”

Roddy Piper, King Kong Bundy, Andre the Giant, Randy Savage, Sgt. Slaughter, Sid Justice… they all fell victim to the big boot and the leg drop. But not this time… not with Vader. The mastodon powered out of Hogan’s pinfall attempt and stood up. For the first time in his career during a wrestling match, fear began to show on the face of Hulk Hogan.

It was a fear that turned out to be justified, and not just for Hogan, but for all Hulkamaniacs too. Within seconds, Vader had pulled Hogan to his feet and sent him crashing back down with a thunderous powerbomb. Vader dragged a seemingly unconscious Hogan to the corner and scaled the ropes. The big man hit not one, not two, not even three, but four Vader-bomb splashes from the middle rope.

By the time he nailed the last one, even Bobby Heenan was wearing a compassionate expression towards the Hulkster. As the young kids in attendance cried at the dismantling of Hulk Hogan, Vader again scaled the ropes. This time, however, he stood atop the top turnbuckle and came crashing down on the champion with a devastating Vadersault.

Three seconds later, the World Wrestling Federation had a new heavyweight champion of the world. Women and kids were left crying, while men and WWF announcers were left expressionless. As medics hit the ring to strap Hogan onto a stretcher, the broadcast went off the air with this ominous statement from Jim Ross: “My God almighty, we have just witnessed the death of Hulkamania at the hands of that man Vader!”

When WWF Magazine editors caught up with the new champion and Bobby Heenan backstage, Vader was quick to offer an unapologetic comment for print; “The time of Hulkamania has come to an end. Let all the world know, it’s Vader time now!”

The proud Heenan could do nothing but boast, “Finally, finally… I’ve ended Hulkamania once and for all. It’s Vader’s time to run wild on the World Wrestling Federation! Whatcha gonna do now Hulkamaniacs?”

Hulk Hogan has not been seen in the World Wrestling Federation since WrestleMania. After recovering from numerous broken ribs and a bruised spleen, Hulk Hogan broke the news to Entertainment Tonight on the set of Thunder in Paradise that he was permanently retired from professional wrestling.

Since that April night in Las Vegas, Federation fans, officials, and superstars alike have all found out that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas. Vader has toured North America with his brand of carnage, leaving one superstar after another thinking of following in Hogan’s footsteps and contemplating retirement themselves.

At King of the Ring, Vader disposed of The Undertaker in similar fashion. The “Deadman” has yet to resurface in the World Wrestling Federation.

At Summer Slam, Vader left Razor Ramon lying in the ring to be taken care of by the medical staff. The “bad guy” has only recently returned to action.

Two months ago, Vader destroyed the massive Yokozuna in a Steel Cage match at the Survivor Series. Yokozuna suffered a cracked sternum following multiple Vader-bombs, and is not expected to return to the WWF for several months.

“Maybe that’s been Vader’s plan all along… total destruction and burial of Titan Towers under a Rocky Mountain avalanche.”

At every turn, Vader has left bodies lying and has ended careers. The World Wrestling Federation has been a fearful place for quickly approaching one year. This month marks Vader’s one-year anniversary of creating carnage in the WWF.

Since the death of Hulkamania, the fans of the World Wrestling Federation have rallied behind the Hitman. For months, Bret Hart has begged WWF President Jack Tunney to grant him a shot at Vader and the WWF Championship. Bret has insisted that winning the King of the Ring tournament in June should, in addition to the fact that he never received a championship rematch, make him the number one contender.

The fans got behind Hart’s campaign and flooded Titan Towers, President Tunney, and World Wrestling Federation Magazine with hundreds of thousands of letters all demanding the same thing: Give the Hitman a championship match against Vader. After months of campaigning, President Tunney has finally agreed and the match the whole world has been waiting for is signed and the date has been set. At the Royal Rumble, Vader finally puts the championship on the line against the man who lost the title to Hulk Hogan one year ago; the reigning King of the Ring, Bret “The Hitman” Hart.

For the fans of World Wrestling Federation, Bret Hart represents the last shred of hope of derailing the mammoth Vader and finally bringing an end to “Vader Time.” If Bret Hart suffers the same fate as every other challenger who has gone up against Vader, will anyone else want to step up and face the mastodon? Will there be anyone left to challenge the Rocky Mountain beast?

Vader has promised to end the career of Bret Hart at the Royal Rumble. If the Hitman does go down, then God help us all. Vader has already killed Hulkamania, and he doesn’t seem content to cease his path of destruction until he has completely dismantled the entire World Wrestling Federation.

Maybe that’s been Vader’s plan all along… total destruction and burial of Titan Towers under a Rocky Mountain avalanche.