A haunted seaside cottage, an opinionated ghost, and a romance that transcends time. Theia revisits The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947), Joseph L. Mankiewicz's exquisite supernatural classic starring Gene Tierney and Rex Harrison, and delivers a five-star verdict.
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A mad scientist, a runaway lawnmower, exploding prostitutes, and the magnificent Patty Mullen! Thalia tackles Frank Henenlotter's Frankenhooker (1990) in the most gloriously unhinged installment of Spook-n-Boobtacular yet. Horror gets zero stars, Cheese gets five, Boobs gets six, and the movie gets seven. Because fuck it, it's funny!
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Linnea Quigley! Michelle Bauer! Chainsaw-worshipping hookers! A wisecracking detective! And a strip club with functioning lights! Thalia discovers a genuinely hilarious exploitation comedy in Fred Olen Ray's Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988). The Spook-n-Boobtacular continues!
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Thalia has awarded Nightmare Sisters an Orgasmic five-star rating, and Theia is absolutely furious! Gary and Titan can barely contain their laughter, but one mysterious detail about the official rating parchment raises a question nobody wants answered.
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Three legendary scream queens. One bathtub. Eleven completely unauthorized stars. Thalia reviews David DeCoteau's Nightmare Sisters (1988), featuring ridiculous demonic possession, outrageous comedy, an unforgettable bathing scene, and the first five-star ORGASMIC decree of Spook-n-Boobtacular!
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Eight young people. Three homicidal security robots. One shopping mall with absolutely terrible customer service. Thalia takes on Jim Wynorski's Chopping Mall (1986), featuring laser blasts, glorious 1980s cheese, Barbara Crampton, Suzee Slater, and a death she considers a personal attack on cinema.
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Two sweet elderly ladies, a cellar full of secrets, and Cary Grant having the nervous breakdown of a lifetime. Theia revisits Frank Capra's delightfully macabre 1944 comedy, Arsenic and Old Lace, for Throwback Thursday #15.
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Halloween at Hull House brings demonic possession, Linnea Quigley's unforgettable lipstick trick, Angela's hypnotic Bauhaus dance, and some gloriously gruesome practical effects. Thalia came for the sleaze but discovered a surprisingly stylish horror classic.
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It's Day 3 of Thalia's Spook-n-Boobtacular, and Jim Wynorski has delivered a haunted sorority house, a homicidal spirit, an indestructible neighbor, a remarkably thorough strip club investigation, and the greatest squeaking shower sound effects in cinema history. Thalia is absolutely delighted.
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Edgar Allan Poe gave us death, identity and reincarnation. Jim Wynorski apparently decided what the story really needed was witchcraft, blood rituals, fog machines and Lana Clarkson. Thalia continues her 13 Days to Halloween with The Haunting of Morella—and somehow insists she maintained editorial standards.
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Christopher Lee. Sybil Danning. Werewolf rituals. Terrible monsters. A punk-rock soundtrack that refuses to go away. Thalia kicks off her 13 Days to Halloween with Howling II—and immediately starts abusing the fast-forward button.
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In honor of Eva Marie Saint, who passed away at 102, Throwback Thursday heads back to 1959 for Alfred Hitchcock’s North by Northwest. Cary Grant, spies, trains, Mount Rushmore, one very determined crop duster, and Eva Marie Saint at her absolute best. Nearly seventy years later, this thing still moves better than most thrillers made today.
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Critics hated it, audiences stayed away, and I couldn't care less. Death to Smoochy remains my favorite comedy ever made, thanks to Robin Williams going completely off the rails, Edward Norton playing the world's most sincere fuchsia rhino, and one very unfortunately shaped batch of cookies.
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The Nun's Story is one of Audrey Hepburn's greatest performances and one of the most overlooked films of her career. Patient, beautiful, and devastating. Available free on Tubi.
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Howard Hawks' Sergeant York is exactly the kind of movie that used to get made and doesn't anymore. Gary Cooper's Oscar-winning performance makes this one worth every minute.
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The Dungeon opens with Deathstalker, the 1983 Roger Corman sword and sorcery film that defines the genre at its most unfiltered. Theia condemns it. Thalia has feelings about Lana Clarkson. The Never-Ending Countdown begins.
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The Memorial Day countdown reaches its last new review at #3. We Were Soldiers covers the Battle of Ia Drang in 1965 with the respect and emotional weight it deserves. Mel Gibson, Sam Elliott, and the entire cast are extraordinary. Full review.
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The Memorial Day countdown reaches #4. Oliver Stone served in Vietnam and spent ten years trying to get Platoon made. That urgency is in every frame. Tom Berenger, Willem Dafoe, and Charlie Sheen are all exceptional. Full review.
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The Indian in the Cupboard had one of the best premises of any 90s kids movie. Toys coming to life as real people with real histories. It just never had the nerve to follow through on what it set up.
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The Memorial Day countdown continues with #5. Hacksaw Ridge tells the true story of Desmond Doss, the unarmed medic who saved 75 men at Okinawa. Mel Gibson directs it with ferocity. Andrew Garfield is extraordinary. Full review.
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