Movie reviews from Titanquisitor. Classic films, new releases, and everything in between — reviewed without a political agenda and without telling you how to feel about them. Every review closes with Theia’s Decree, our five star rating scale for film.
It is probably not something I should admit to anyone aside a therapist, but I grew up absolutely loving the hell out of late 70s/early 80s hard boiled revenge movies such as Death Wish and the like. Now as an adult, I occasionally stumble across a title I somehow missed during those years. Ms. 45 was just such a picture. Ms. 45 This movie tells … Continue reading Ms. 45 (1981) Review
Originally slated for a theatrical release, Disney made the decision to go with Noelle as the first live-action, original movie for their Disney+ streaming service. With the service launching on November 12th, it was definitely a good decision by Disney because November and December are months when folks like to watch Christmas movies. Also a good decision because Anna Kendrick brings some name value to the service’s first original film, and also because Noelle is better suited for at home streaming than it is a movie theater. Continue reading Noelle Review
In the grand scheme of music history Richie Valens, or Valenzuela (Lou Diamond Phillips) was a minor figure in music history, and his biggest claim to fame is that he died in the same plane crash that took the life of Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper, but his story is such a great little slice of the American dream that it makes for … Continue reading La Bamba (1987) Review
Nick Wild is a Las Vegas bodyguard with a gambling addiction, and an action movie hero addiction as well. Dreaming of escaping this seedy world so he can sail a yacht around Corsica, he earns money through cutesy side jobs like helping losers get laid by letting them beat him up in front of their girlfriends, while serving as the “Mike” Jason Alexander’s “Better Call … Continue reading Wild Card (2015) Review
I’ve seen plenty of movies which required its audience to turn off their brain. ‘Backfire’ (2017) is one of a select few that also requires them to turn off their souls. Note: their brains should still be turned off as well. I had moderate hopes for a mid-level shoot em’ up based on a promising premise that hooked me in the Netflix description and made … Continue reading Backfire (2017) Review
Liam Neeson, as I have stated before, is my jam. If Robert Mitchum or Charles Bronson were still around I would have a harder choice, but since they’re not, Liam is the undisputed king of my favorite hard asses. Ed Harris is also up there, and this movie brings the two of them together as an aging gangster and hitman, both of with grown up … Continue reading Run All Night Review
It is a futile endeavor to review a movie directed/produced by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the duo responsible for such “classics” as Epic Movie, Date Movie, Vampires Suck, Meet the Spartans, and the Scary Movie franchise. This movie is what it is. Nothing I say will discourage those who like this sort of thing to knock it off, and those who weren’t going to … Continue reading The Starving Games Review
For many of my teenage years and into my twenties I was one of those dorky retro kids obsessed with old vinyl records and bands that, if my friends had heard of, they did not care about. I say that because when a film is made about a sub-culture, it is important to get that sub-culture right, and High Fidelity does just that, in a … Continue reading High Fidelity Review
What do you get when you take bits of the Blair Witch Project, Raiders of the Lost Ark, National Treasure, and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, cram them into a giant blender and hit “puree”? This movie; As Above, So Below. The main character here is a female Indiana Jones type searching for the mystical “Philosopher’s Stone” which after quickly solving a few Da Vinci … Continue reading As Above, So Below Review
Two beach bums, one with a military past, and both in an open three way relationship with a hot blonde named Ophelia, start a homegrown marijuana business that becomes very successful. Said business attracts the wrong kind of attention from a very powerful Mexican drug cartel. So, together with the aid of a dirty DEA agent played by John Travolta, the trio will go to … Continue reading Savages Review
I saw this movie in 3D with my wife, who liked it far less than I did, feeling the movie was long on chase scenes and short on story. I say that up front for a little context, but personally I loved that the entire movie is just one long adrenaline rush. The story was started on the run and kept running throughout. Theron’s character … Continue reading Mad Max: Fury Road Review
79 A.D was a very bad year for the city of Pompeii. One of the worst natural disasters of the ancient world occurred as a killer Volcano named Vesuvius erupted and wiped out thousands upon thousands of lives. So now I guess enough time has passed to attempt to turn that tragedy into a silly romantic popcorn movie. I’m game anyway. Too bad that trashy … Continue reading Pompeii Review
Imagine if Sex and the City had been written by gay women about straight men instead of by gay men about straight women. Three best friends make a pact to not enter a relationship and just be tail chasing besties who share an apartment in New York City, but of course all of them wind up falling in love with one lady or another and … Continue reading That Awkward Moment Review
The Purge (2013) starring Ethan Hawke was one of my big disappointments. I thought the premise (all crime being legal for one night) was bloody brilliant, and had mucho potential for social commentary, plus a ton of groovy action in the vein of Escape from New York. Instead, the whole story took place in the house of one rich family on a rich neighborhood being … Continue reading The Purge: Anarchy Review
This story takes place in Nazi occupied Paris, where a young and beautiful blonde cinema owner has been tasked with hosting a big event for the entire Third Reich. At the same time, a Dirty Dozen like crew of Allied Nazi Hunters lead by Brad Pitt are looking for a way to end the way, and think they might just have it with this coming … Continue reading Inglourious Basterds Review
‘Security’ is a movie that aims low and stays on target. Antonio Banderas, far removed from his days as the guitar case gunslinger in Desperado, plays a two dimensional archetype—a former soldier, struggling to find work to see his family who are forced to live two states away. The soldier finds work as an overnight security guard in a mall, where he joins a crew … Continue reading Security Review
Fate of the Furious, the eighth entry in the popular Fast and the Furious franchise, releases on Blu-ray today in the form of a combo pack. You can pick it up for $20 on Amazon, and that’ll get you the Blu-ray, DVD, and two Digital HD versions of the film (the theatrical cut and the extended director’s cut that is only available digitally). Those of … Continue reading The Fate of the Furious Blu-ray Review
This may surprise some people, but Shocker is one of my all time favorite movies from the late great Wes Craven. I first got hooked on it during late night showings on basic cable back when I was growing up. The story is a little bit like Nightmare On Elm Street, in fact you might even call it a rip-off (but if anyone’s allowed to … Continue reading Shocker Review
There may have been a very good reason this Dracula’s story was untold. It’s just a shame it didn’t remain that way. This movie should really have been titled Edward Untold as it is just an obvious attempt to take an established character and turn him into a swooning icon for the twenty-something audience who grew up with the Twilight series, with a slight attempt … Continue reading Dracula Untold Review
In Halloween 3, John Carpenter wanted to turn the Halloween franchise into a kind of Twilight Zone series of interconnected but unrelated horror stories that just happened to fall on Halloween. Unfortunately, this was after the Michael Myers character had already taken a deep hold over the series. I think Trick R’ Treat however, is exactly the kind of movie he had hoped for with … Continue reading Trick r’ Treat Review
