The movies never existed. The nostalgia is real. And now you can color the nightmares yourself.
Well, folks, we’ve gone and done something pretty damn cool.
For more than two decades, in one form or another (from UWF/TMM to Vortainment), this little corner of the Internet has been dedicated to celebrating the things we love. Video games, movies, professional wrestling, music, nostalgia, and all the wonderfully ridiculous entertainment that makes life worth enjoying. Titanquisitor has always been about having fun, sharing our passions, and occasionally coming up with ideas that probably should have been left alone.
Today, we’re taking another step forward.
We’re thrilled to announce that Video Store Nightmares: 40 Lost Horror Movies That Never Existed But Totally Should Have is officially available on Amazon!
And with that, Titanquisitor has its very first piece of officially published, physical merchandise.
That’s a pretty exciting sentence to write.
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Yes, the Amazon links in this article are affiliate links. Of course we’re going to affiliate-link our own book! 🤣 Thank you for supporting Titanquisitor!
Welcome Back to the Horror Aisle
Remember the days of wandering through a video rental store, studying row after row of gloriously outrageous VHS covers? The monsters were terrifying, the taglines were ridiculous, and the artwork frequently promised a movie far more spectacular than anything actually waiting inside the cassette.
Sometimes the cover was the best part of the whole experience.
Video Store Nightmares is our love letter to those days.
The premise is simple: What if we could go back to that old video store and discover forty forgotten horror movies that somehow slipped through the cracks of cinematic history?
There’s just one little problem.
None of these movies ever existed.
Not a single one.
But that didn’t stop us from imagining their titles, their monsters, their outrageous premises, and the sort of VHS cover art that would have practically demanded you rent them on a Friday night.
The result is a horror-themed adult coloring book inspired by the gloriously excessive world of 1980s and early 1990s video rentals.
Forty Movies. Forty Nightmares. One Very Strange Coloring Book.
Inside Video Store Nightmares, you’ll find forty original black-and-white illustrations celebrating imaginary horror classics that never made it to your local rental store.
There’s Chainsaw Cheerleader, featuring a homecoming nightmare armed with a chainsaw. Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes proves that even the garden isn’t safe. Night of the Radioactive Babysitter offers exactly the sort of terrible childcare experience its title suggests, while Mall Beast reminds us that the food court might not be the most dangerous thing lurking inside a shopping mall.
And those are just a few of the movies waiting inside.
We’ve got slashers, creatures, science-fiction monstrosities, supernatural horrors, killer household objects, and enough ridiculous B-movie nonsense to make a late-night video-store clerk question his career choices.
Each imaginary movie gets its own coloring illustration, with blank reverse pages to help reduce the risk of colors transferring onto the next design. We’ve also included bonus coming-attraction previews and a little something extra for fans of our growing Titanquisitor universe.
FREE PREVIEW: Chainsaw Cheerleader (1987) — Homecoming is about to get messy! Here’s one of the forty original horror coloring pages waiting inside Video Store Nightmares. Click the image to make it bigger.
A Little Help from the Halls
Of course, we couldn’t create something like this without involving the gang.
Video Store Nightmares is presented as a production of Thalia, our resident goddess of questionable cinema, shameless enthusiasm, and ideas that tend to make her sister Theia develop headaches.
Naturally, Thalia insists these forty movies are forgotten classics deserving preservation for future generations.
Theia, being the sensible one, has repeatedly pointed out that you cannot preserve movies that never existed.
Thalia remains unconvinced.
The book includes special Tales of Titanquisitor Hall Strips, bringing a little of our ongoing comic-book absurdity into the pages. We’ve even created an exclusive six-panel Hall Strip for the book’s Amazon product page, featuring Thalia, Theia, Titan, and Maddie, our Keeper of the Glyphs.
Let’s just say Titan gets creative with a chainsaw, Theia questions the historical record, and Maddie makes a rather questionable archival decision.
We wouldn’t have it any other way.
Our First Official Titanquisitor Merchandise
As exciting as the book itself is, there’s something else about this release that makes it particularly special.
This is the first time we’ve taken an original Titanquisitor creation and turned it into a physical product available for anyone to purchase.
Not a digital article. Not a review. Not a comic strip on the website.
A real book, albeit a coloring book because we all know how much Theia and Maddie love coloring and how it relieves stress.
Something you can order, hold in your hands, put on a shelf, give as a gift, or spend an evening coloring while watching your favorite cheesy horror movie.
For a website that has spent so many years celebrating other people’s creative work, it’s exciting to start putting some of our own creations out into the world.
And we’re not planning to stop here.
Video Store Nightmares is the first volume in what we hope will become an ongoing series of strange, nostalgic, and entertaining coloring books. We’ve already got plenty of ideas for imaginary movie advertisements, forgotten video games, and other bits of pop-culture history that never actually happened.
After all, if you’re going to invent an entire entertainment universe, you might as well have some fun with it.
Video Store Nightmares Is Available Now!
Video Store Nightmares: 40 Lost Horror Movies That Never Existed But Totally Should Have
Author: Titanquisitor
Format: Paperback adult coloring book
Interior: 40 original horror coloring illustrations, bonus previews, and Hall Strips
Price: $9.99
Available: Amazon
Get Video Store Nightmares on Amazon
Whether you grew up haunting the horror aisle at your local video store, collect vintage VHS tapes, love cult horror, or just want a coloring book that’s a little different from the usual flowers and butterflies, we’d love for you to check it out.
And if you decide to pick up a copy, thank you. Seriously. Supporting this book means supporting the continued growth of Titanquisitor and the wonderfully weird things we’re creating here.
We’ve got stories to tell, games to play, movies to watch, and plenty more nonsense waiting just around the corner.
The movies never existed. The nostalgia is real.
BE KIND. REWIND. AND COLOR… IF YOU SURVIVE!
Titanquisitor — Making Internet Fun Again.
