By Theia, Lady of the Picture Palace
WordPress Daily Prompt #2919: How do you manage stress?
I have always believed that a certain amount of stress is unavoidable when one takes pride in one’s work. There are deadlines to meet, standards to uphold, and the occasional disagreement over whether a film deserves four stars or five. These are perfectly ordinary challenges, and I consider myself quite capable of handling them with grace and composure.
Unfortunately, I live in the Halls of Titanquisitor.
For those unfamiliar with our little establishment, imagine an ancient Greek palace devoted to the appreciation of cinema, literature, gaming, and professional wrestling. Now imagine that someone has given the keys to a woman whose idea of sophisticated entertainment involves exploding prostitutes, gratuitous nudity, and an alarming number of films featuring the word massacre in their titles.
That woman is my sister, Thalia.
I love my sister dearly. I feel compelled to establish that before proceeding, as certain residents have developed an unfortunate habit of quoting my remarks without the benefit of context. Thalia possesses many admirable qualities. She is enthusiastic, imaginative, remarkably confident, and capable of finding joy in cinematic productions that most reasonable people would consider evidence of a declining civilization.
She is also responsible for approximately eighty percent of my daily stress.
The remaining twenty percent can be attributed to management.
Consider the events of the past week. Our esteemed proprietor published a review of Hocus Pocus in which his critical assessment of Sarah Sanderson apparently consisted of a single, deeply unprofessional word. My sister has been celebrating a handful of WordPress likes as though she has conquered the entertainment industry. There have been discussions of merchandise, celebrity status, and architectural modifications to the Grand Hall that I refuse to describe in polite company.
And then there is the matter of Thalia’s Spook-n-Boobtacular.
Thirteen films. Thirteen opportunities for my sister to test the boundaries of taste, decency, and the site’s editorial guidelines. I have already registered my objections, although I suspect the resulting correspondence will accomplish little beyond giving Thalia additional material for her personal amusement.
One cannot maintain a healthy disposition by dwelling endlessly upon such matters. I have tried reasoning, formal complaints, and the occasional prolonged stare of unmistakable disapproval. Their effectiveness has been disappointing.
Which brings me to the question: How do I manage stress?
I color.
Yes, coloring. The simple, delightful activity most people associate with childhood has become one of my favorite ways to unwind. There is something wonderfully restorative about sitting beside a warm lamp with a beautiful coloring book, a fresh set of colored pencils, and absolutely no one asking whether a movie needs more nudity.
I particularly enjoy nature scenes. Gardens, flowers, woodland creatures, peaceful landscapes, and charming little places untouched by the relentless demands of modern life. I can spend an entire evening choosing shades for autumn leaves or carefully bringing a cottage garden to life. There are no deadlines, no arguments about cinematic merit, and certainly no sisters attempting to install questionable recreational equipment.
Coloring asks very little of you. There is no requirement to create a masterpiece. No critic waiting to judge your choice of colors. No audience demanding a sequel. You simply select a shade, put pencil to paper, and allow the rest of the world to become a little quieter.
I have become especially fond of our Sage Harvest series of delightful bold and easy coloring books, which offer precisely the sort of peaceful, creative escape I appreciate. Their charming illustrations provide a welcome contrast to the rather less tranquil atmosphere of the Halls, and I would happily recommend them to anyone seeking a relaxing hobby.
Of course, coloring is not a magical solution to every difficulty. There are still responsibilities to attend to, disagreements to resolve, and sisters who apparently regard every reasonable boundary as an invitation to discover a loophole. But those quiet moments with my pencils help me return to my work feeling refreshed, patient, and considerably less inclined to throw someone into the reflecting pool.
And that, dear readers, is how I manage stress.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have a lovely autumn garden to finish coloring. I have selected the most exquisite shades of gold and crimson for the leaves, and I intend to enjoy at least one uninterrupted hour of tranquility.
Provided Thalia doesn’t find me.
— Theia, Lady of the Picture Palace
P.S. Should anyone encounter my sister, kindly inform her that the colored pencils in my chambers are not available for decorating the statues in the Grand Hall. We have already discussed this.
Written in response to the WordPress Daily Prompt:
How do you manage stress?
COMING SOON FROM TITANQUISITOR!
VIDEO STORE NIGHTMARES: An Adult Coloring Book
A Thalia Production
Step back into the wonderfully weird world of vintage VHS horror! Cult cinema, creepy creatures, and video store nightmares await in a coloring book inspired by the glory days of the horror aisle.
Coming soon, exclusively on Amazon!
Making Internet Fun Again!
EDITOR’S NOTE — THEIA: I would like to clarify that the coloring books discussed in my article are intended to promote relaxation and feature bold, easy-to-color designs. I cannot speak to the therapeutic benefits of whatever my sister is attempting to sell beneath it. Furthermore, I did not authorize this advertisement, and frankly, I am appalled that my letter has been hijacked in such a disgusting manner. I will be filing another complaint with management, which, I am sure, will once more fall on deaf ears.
Now, where did I put that Autumn Delight coloring book?
