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Category: Movie Reviews

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Movie reviews from Titanquisitor. Classic films, new releases, and everything in between — reviewed without a political agenda and without telling you how to feel about them. Every review closes with Theia’s Decree, our five star rating scale for film.

Van Helsing
Entertainment

Van Helsing Review

Gary Smith

For a movie I had no intention of watching in the theater, this was a pretty good movie. The legendary monster hunter Van Helsing (Jackman) must go to Transylvania to fight Dracula and help Anna (Beckinsale), who’s family can not enter heaven until Dracula is dead (I suppose that would be the best word to use). Along with appearances by Mr. Hyde (of Dr. Jackyl and Mr. Hyde fame), the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s monster, it’s a virtual who’s who of the monster world, complete with an ugly little…

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Resident Evil
Entertainment

Resident Evil Review

Gary Smith

Based on the popular video game series by the same name, Resident Evil is about the Umbrella Corporation and their secret biological experiments. Living in the house above “The Hive," Alice (Jovovich) awakens following an accident down below. Long story short, a specially trained commando team (which includes Rodriguez) is sent in by Umbrella to assess the situation and shut down the supercomputer that runs the underground laboratory before the virus is unleashed on the outside world. As you’d…

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Sleepwalkers
Entertainment

Sleepwalkers Review

Gary Smith

What a painfully bad movie this is. Who wrote this crap? Stephen King took credit for this? You’re kidding me? The same guy that wrote shit like Misery, The Shining, Carrie, and The Green Mile? What did who do wrong here? Basically what we have, is these two people, a mother and son. Only they aren’t humans, they’re what’s known as sleepwalkers. No, not the people who get up and walk around while they are asleep, but rather some sort of giant, hairless dog looking things that suck the life force…

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The Shining
Entertainment

The Shining Review

Gary Smith

Struggling writer Jack Torrance (Nicholson) takes a job as an off season caretaker at the Overlook Hotel. Torrance takes the position and moves in for the winter with his wife (Duvall) and son(Lloyd), in hopes that the solitude of the off season will clear up his writers block. The Overlook, a building virtually cut off from everything by mountains, has a shady past however, and it is soon discovered that past caretakers have gone mad. This fate soon befalls Torrance, and it is up to his son and…

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Kiss The Girls
Entertainment

Kiss The Girls Review

Gary Smith2 Comments

After his niece is abducted, criminal psychologist Dr. Alex Cross (Freeman) goes to North Carolina to aid/follow the investigation. What he learns is that his niece, Naomi, is the latest “trophy” of a man who calls himself “Casanova,” a man who collects women, but not necessarily for the purposes of killing them. Shortly after Casanova takes Naomi, a medical intern, Dr. Kate McTiernan (Judd), is taken. McTiernan is able to escape the clutches of the self-proclaimed greatest lover though, and…

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Before Sunset
Entertainment

Before Sunset Review

William McPherson1 Comment

Before Sunrise begged the question, would you be willing to alter your entire life around one fateful night’s chance meeting? In that movie two twenty something’s met-cute on a train, wandered the streets of Vienna, and fell in love all the while walking and (endlessly) talking about everything under the sun. This movie asks basically the same question now that these two reconnect ten years later, this time in Paris, except now the stakes are higher and they both have more emotional baggage than…

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Entertainment

Casablanca Review

Gary Smith2 Comments

It has been months since I last posted an edition of the once weekly Classic Cinema Wednesday review series, and now really does seem like the perfect time to bring the series back (albeit not weekly) with the 11th installment. Why is it the perfect time? Well it’s quite simple; I have finally watched that other film that many people consider to be the finest movie ever made... Casablanca. It’s pretty fitting too since the last time I did one of these it was a review of Humphrey Bogart’s “The…

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Before Sunrise
Entertainment

Before Sunrise Review

William McPherson5 Comments

A guy (Ethan Hawke) and a girl (Julie Delpy), both in their early twenties, meet on a train bound for Paris in summer 1994. It doesn’t take them very long at all to discover that they have a remarkable chemistry together, and as such they begin a conversation on that train that will last the rest of the movie, and for two more movies following that. A huge torrent of dialogue flows between them as they discuss everything from their childhoods, past relationships, religion, romance, and any and…

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Safe
Entertainment

Safe Review

William McPherson

As part of a new reviewing strategy I have bolded and underline the parts of this review that I feel are the most important to read, so if you'd just prefer the one minute version of my thoughts here, feel free to scroll down at your leisure. Mei (Catherine Chan) is a very gifted child to say the absolute least, as we learn right at the very start of this movie. She is startlingly brilliant at math and has the ability to memorize long sequences of numbers with very little time or effort on her…

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12 Rounds 2
Entertainment

12 Rounds 2 Reloaded Review

Gary Smith2 Comments

The latest WWE Studios film to star a WWE Superstar released last Tuesday directly to DVD. I typically find WWE films to be okay at best, but never “offensive.” They’re always the type of movie that is worth watching at least once if you can find it on one of the movie channels. This one is a little bit different in that it is actually very enjoyable, and honestly, it should have gone to theaters (certainly better than Dead Man Down and the previous 12 Rounds starring John Cena). Before watching…

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Being Flynn
Entertainment

Being Flynn Review

William McPherson

America has produced only three great writers as we are told in this movie’s opening narration voiced by Robert De Niro in the character of Jonathan Flynn, that being Mark Twain, J.D Salinger, and himself. He is, as a matter of indisputable fact, quite delusional. And it is this movie’s object to make him both eccentrically lovable and existentially loathable at the same time, a task it mostly succeeds at thanks in large parts to the acting talents of Robert De Niro and the natural good will you…

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Rio Bravo
Entertainment

Rio Bravo Review

William McPherson4 Comments

Has there ever been a movie that more effectively utilized a ‘cold opening’ better than Rio Bravo? We start with a dark and murky but still well crowded bar, a down on his luck and desperately drunk Deputy and a smug Gunman who first jokingly offers the Deputy a drink, and then tosses a silver dollar into a spittoon for him on the floor. These are the first images we witness in this classic Howard Hawk’s western released all the way back in 1959. The Deputy, played here in a show stealing…

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The Redemption of General Butt Naked
Entertainment

The Redemption of General Butt Naked Review

William McPherson

Eric Strauss and Daniele Anastasion have made one of the most emotionally arresting, morally challenging, and thought provoking documentaries that I have seen in my recent memory with ‘The Redemption of General Butt Naked”. That said I’m not sure it was a movie worth making, or a story that deserves telling though to be totally honest. Furthermore I’m equally uncertain about whether or not I should even be reviewing it and thus giving it even more free publicity. That being said, the movie is…

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The Last Stand
Entertainment

The Last Stand Review

William McPherson6 Comments

If you’re looking for the nuanced realism of modern action movies such as those in the Jason Bourne franchise with lots of shaky hand held camera shots and heroes who are held firmly to the laws of physics and whatnot, ‘The Last Stand’ is not the movie for you. If you’re ready for a break from that kind of gritty realism though and just want to kick back and enjoy an old fashioned Hollywood action movie that won’t challenge you mentally or in any other way really, this may be the perfect flick…

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I, Robot
Entertainment

I, Robot Review

Gary Smith4 Comments

Based on the series of short stories written by Isaac Asimov, I, Robot takes place in Chicago in the year 2035. Will Smith plays Detective Spooner, a cop that refuses to place his faith in robots when everyone else does. Spooner’s distrust stems from an incident that occurred prior to the beginning of the film, but provides for an interesting twist when it is revealed. Detective Spooner is called in to investigate the apparent suicide of one of the founding fathers of U.S. Robotics. Spooner…

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The Ballad of Cable Hogue
Entertainment

The Ballad of Cable Hogue Review

William McPherson2 Comments

A smart director knows when he has pushed the limits far enough in one direction and needs to find a new approach and come at us with something altogether different and fresh. To be sure Sam Peckinpah did push the limits to the very outer edges and much more in terms of violence and bloodshed with his classic 1969 western masterpiece known as ‘The Wild Bunch’. So with that, in much the same way as the Coen brothers normally take a break to reboot after a big serious film like their classic…

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Out of the Past
Entertainment

Out of the Past Review

William McPherson2 Comments

If the Maltese Falcon is to be considered the grandfather of the Film Noir genre, which many have claimed it to be over the years, then ‘Out of the Past’ is definitely the genre’s chief biological father. For when you break down this movie to its basic D.N.A components, you see a perfect and incriminating match. As here we see the next generation of noir film making in which the genre was both advanced and finally perfected and completed. You also you see for one of the first times the classic…

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The Big Heat
Entertainment

The Big Heat Review

William McPherson2 Comments

The first thing we see in ‘The Big Heat’ is a pistol being loaded behind the desk of Officer Tom Duncan. Duncan, a dirty cop on the payroll of Mike Lagana, the crooked mobster who has a strangle hold on the city he works for, has finally reached his breaking point. We hear the report of a gunshot and see Duncan collapse, still at his desk. His wife rushes down the staircase to investigate the noise and then witnessing the aftermath, naturally, screams in horror. The camera zooms in to the…

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The Blues Brothers
Entertainment

The Blues Brothers Review

William McPherson2 Comments

Here's the plot breakdown for the unlucky (or perhaps I should say lucky since you will get to experience this for the first time still) few of you who have not seen this movie. Jake & Elwood Blues are faced with a serious dilemma when they find out that the orphanage they grew up in is going to be condemned unless the back taxes can be paid on it soon. The Nun who oversees the place won’t allow any ‘filthy’ stolen money to pass into her hands, so the lanky Elwood and the recently released…

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Leap of Faith
Entertainment

Leap of Faith Review

William McPherson

Jonas Nightengale is a traveling evangelist, who goes from town to town conning people out of their money in return for his dog and pony Jesus show. One fateful day his tour bus breaks down in a sleepy Kansas town in the middle of a bad drought. Not being one to forgo any opportunity to cash in, he decides to set up and ply his trade there, despite the wishes of town sheriff (Liam Neeson) who worries that the traveling conman is out to fleece the poor citizens of his town. Also along for the…

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