The Dungeon opens with Deathstalker, the 1983 Roger Corman sword and sorcery film that defines the genre at its most unfiltered. Theia condemns it. Thalia has feelings about Lana Clarkson. The Never-Ending Countdown begins.
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The Indian in the Cupboard had one of the best premises of any 90s kids movie. Toys coming to life as real people with real histories. It just never had the nerve to follow through on what it set up.
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Kid me watched Blank Check twenty or thirty times and loved every minute of it. Adult me can see the seams. Still a decent watch for the nostalgia and Karen Duffy and Tone Loc make it worth revisiting at least once.
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Here on Earth is everything A Walk to Remember does right, done wrong. Two unlikable leads, a sympathetic boyfriend treated like an obstacle, and an emotional payoff the film never earns. Leelee Sobieski deserved better material than this.
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The first Taken movie pretty much created a genre of its own. It was a smart fast-paced thriller, and a great watch. The sequel was stylistically appealing, but from a story standpoint was just a confusing mess that I absolutely hated. This movie has almost no style, and director Olivier Megaton (real name) must have broken some kind of record for yelling cut in this thing, but the story, for stupid action movie standards, is easy enough to follow. Add in Liam Neeson being Liam Neeson, even if…
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The premise here is interesting, the talent is extraordinary, the action and atmosphere is fine, but the end result is one of the most befuddling messes I can long remember. The premise is this; 20 years after the Bosnian war, a retired US soldier now living out in the Appalachian countryside finds a strange hitch-hiker with a secret past. Turns out said hitch-hiker was among a group of enemy soldiers that he had (almost) executed two decades prior. Now he has come for his long awaited…
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In 2007, I was doing most of my gaming on the Nintendo Wii, the original Xbox, and a low-end PC (mostly playing Black Hawk Down multiplayer). My brother built a gaming PC and it did run Crysis, although it didn't run it on the highest setting (one below that). I played a little bit of Crysis on that PC when the game came out and it was stunning. It looked amazing and the gameplay was fun. In many ways, it was indeed a jaw-dropping experience. Fast forward to 2020, and Crysis has been remastered…
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It's hard to believe it's only been a month since BioWare and EA released the heavily hyped Anthem on PC, Xbox One and PS4. It's a game that had a lot of fanfare behind it and was poised to be the next big thing from BioWare. It's an open-world looter shooter stepping in to compete against the likes of Destiny, The Division 2, and Warframe. It was to be the "cinematic" looter shooter with a story. Fast paced gameplay, unique builds that would matter, and loot you'd want to chase... these were…
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What do you get when you take bits of the Blair Witch Project, Raiders of the Lost Ark, National Treasure, and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, cram them into a giant blender and hit “puree”? This movie; As Above, So Below. The main character here is a female Indiana Jones type searching for the mystical “Philosopher’s Stone” which after quickly solving a few Da Vinci Code like riddles with the help of her fellow history buff friend (who illegally repairs ancient clock towers in his down time) she…
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Chronus Arc is an old-school style JRPG from Hit-Point and KEMCO that first released on mobile devices all the way back in 2013. In 2015, it came to Nintendo's 3DS, and now here towards the end of 2018 KEMCO has brought it to Xbox One, PS4 and PS Vita, with the game also coming to PC and Nintendo Switch this year as well. So it'll be on everything by the end of the year. Chronus Arc is all about the nostalgia card. It looks like a Super Nintendo era Final Fantasy game, albeit one spruced up with…
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Two beach bums, one with a military past, and both in an open three way relationship with a hot blonde named Ophelia, start a homegrown marijuana business that becomes very successful. Said business attracts the wrong kind of attention from a very powerful Mexican drug cartel. So, together with the aid of a dirty DEA agent played by John Travolta, the trio will go to war against said Cartel, lead by Salma Hayeck. Also, Benicio Del Toro licks and occasionally rapes people. Ew. Oliver Stone, a…
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The Purge (2013) starring Ethan Hawke was one of my big disappointments. I thought the premise (all crime being legal for one night) was bloody brilliant, and had mucho potential for social commentary, plus a ton of groovy action in the vein of Escape from New York. Instead, the whole story took place in the house of one rich family on a rich neighborhood being tormented by other rich socialite college kids. This movie corrects those mistakes at least, as we finally get a good sprawling action…
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‘Security’ is a movie that aims low and stays on target. Antonio Banderas, far removed from his days as the guitar case gunslinger in Desperado, plays a two dimensional archetype—a former soldier, struggling to find work to see his family who are forced to live two states away. The soldier finds work as an overnight security guard in a mall, where he joins a crew of early 20-something stereotypes—the douche, the dork, the nerd, and the drunk chick who quickly defer to his general badassery when…
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Seasons After Fall is a 2D platforming puzzle game for PS4, Xbox One, and PC from French developer Swing Swing Submarine and published by Focus Home Interactive. In it, you play a spirit that possesses a wild fox and set off on an adventure through a forest. You have the power to manipulate the four seasons, changing them on the fly to complete puzzles. If nothing else, Seasons After Fall is an absolutely beautiful game graphically speaking with its hand-painted forest setting that changes on…
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Valhalla Hills is strategy/city-building game developed by Funatics that first released on Steam Early Access back in August 2015. On April 25, 2017 the game came to PS4 and Xbox One in the form of Valhalla Hills: Definitive Edition, which includes the based game and the two DLC packs (Sand of the Damned and Fire Mountains) plus an exclusive map type called The Dwarf Cave. In Valhalla Hills you play as the Norse god Leko, the youngest son of Odin. Odin has exiled you, banished you down to Midgar…
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I've reviewed each of the R.B.I. games since MLB brought the series back in 2014. At this point, I'm not sure a review is necessary anymore. I feel like I should just copy and paste what I wrote last year, because it's the same game with an updated roster. There's no new modes and no new ways to play. I also can't tell where any of the issues were fixed, and the game certainly doesn't look any better. In fact, the only difference here is that this year's game doesn't have online multiplayer…
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Hello everyone and welcome back to yet another way past due edition of The Backlog. As usual, the real world continues to get in the way of things I'd rather be doing, but such is life for most of us. So we're here with the 29th installment of The Backlog, and we're going to be true to the name here. We're going to go back to a game that came out over nine years ago, Just Cause. Being that this game is more on the ancient side, gaming wise that is, we are going to keep things shorter than…
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There may have been a very good reason this Dracula’s story was untold. It’s just a shame it didn’t remain that way. This movie should really have been titled Edward Untold as it is just an obvious attempt to take an established character and turn him into a swooning icon for the twenty-something audience who grew up with the Twilight series, with a slight attempt to also turn into a Dark Knight franchise ripoff as well. Dracula here is a handsome, noble king, with a beautiful blond haired wife…
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I’m a sucker for old Roger Corman flicks and other such “D-Movie” shenanigans, but this movie was just a really lazy and rushed affair. I’m not one to normally harp on the superiority of remakes, but the 1986 musical version of this story is superior in just about every way. I found this flick as part of a big collection of horror movies in the five dollar bin at Walmart. It tells the story of poor put-upon Seymour, who works in a flower shop run by a petty cheapskate, and who is in love with…
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I am reviewing the director’s cut here, which is the first time I have seen it---I would like to go back and see the original theatrical now for comparison’s sake, but I’ll save that for a later review. This is the first Halloween movie I was old enough to see as a kid, and being a young horror fan back then, I found it pretty gnarly. Now as a snot nosed grown-up I have a few issues with it---it’s a bit of a stretch for me to accept that Michael Myers could rape anyone, let alone father a child…
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