If they won’t let me strip, I’ll find other ways to have fun. — Thalia (See how they treated me in Hall Strip #1)

I want you to look at that image below. Really look at it. That is Anne Bonny in Assassin’s Creed Black Flag. A real woman. A real Irish pirate who sailed the Caribbean during the Golden Age of Piracy, who terrorized shipping lanes alongside Calico Jack, and who was apparently too much woman for the cowards at Ubislop to handle in 2026. They made her tits smaller, and they covered up what cleavage she did show in the original game. A pirate. In the Caribbean. In the heat. On a ship. Where the dress code was famously nonexistent. The woman’s last know words to her captured, about-to-be-hanged lover were basically “you should’ve fought harder, you drunk.” And Ubislop looked at that legacy and said, you know what she really needs… smaller fucking tits and no cleavage. Make her a little boy why don’t ya?

Assassins Creed IV: Black Flag vs. Assassin’s Creed Black Flag Resynced

Here’s the thing though. Here’s where I stop being mad and start having the time of my life. Ubislop just reported a record operating loss of €1.3 billion Euros for the year ending March 2026. Their CFO stood in front of people and called it a record. A record. Their CEO called fiscal year 2027 a “low point.” They canceled seven games. Delayed six more. Cut 1,200 jobs. Their stock dropped fifteen percent in a single day this week. And the one game, the ONE game they are publicly banking on to start digging them out of this crater, the game they told investors would drive their first quarter recovery?

Assassin’s Creed Black Flag Resynced.

The game where they just gave Anne Bonny a breast reduction surgery.

I genuinely cannot. I am pointing right now and I cannot stop laughing at these dumb fucks. Woke to broke Ubislop, woke to fucking broke.

Is this a harmless visual update, or did Ubislop just sanitize one of history’s coolest pirates to chase an audience that doesn’t play their games anyway? Sound off in the comments.